Happy New Beginning for Emma
We were sure those of you who followed Emma Wishart’s serialised account of living much of her life with undiagnosed autism would want to know her latest news. We asked Emma for an update and she sent this delightful poem. I have to tell you, I just love the last verse.
The Cave of the Mirror
Call me a perfectionist – I would never settle for a man
Unless I loved them true
At eighteen my heart fixed on someone
Nobody else would do
It seems the time wasn’t right for us
We passed like ships in the night
Friendly but never together
Though he set my soul alight
And so I stayed single, not waiting or hoping
For hope I harboured none
But not settling for second best
Living a life of one
Yvonne Elliman ungrammatically said it
In a song in the Seventies
“If I can’t have you, I don’t want nobody, baby”
A mantra upon which I seized
I visited a Holy Well
Said to cure a broken heart
I drank of the water but to no avail
To him my thoughts still start
I tried hard not to think of him
But this only made it worse
For then into my dreams he’d steal
I’d be happy, for a second, til day burst
Long years of pining, of wondering about him
Occasionally Face-stalking, not much to see
A wife, a house, beautiful children.
Not my children, none of the three
He wrote a novel, a ballet, a play, an album
An incredibly talented man
Full of art and amazing music
Surely the Yin to my Yang?
I read his words and felt close to him
Assuming he’d never know
I wandered the world, or bits of it
Thinking of him as I go
In New Zealand a Maori cave I found
Reputed to grant your desire
Sacred and tapu was this beautiful spot
Unsullied by any save I
The Cave of the Mirror, it was called
Deceptively deep, warm and clear
Heated by geothermals
Rising from the heart of our sphere
Whenever a chance to make a wish
Occurred, it was such a hurry
A shooting star, birthday candles
Quick! Make a wish! All a-flurry
My gut reaction, my go-to wish
My knee-jerk reflex given voice
To quickly say what I most desired
You can guess, this man was my choice
But I sensed this cave was a serious business
So solitudinous, sacred, and still
I resisted making my usual wish
For what reason? Listen, I’ll tell
I felt I was forcing the Universe
To bend and warp to my will
No more would I try and coerce fate
To oblige me and fulfill
My desire for a man who clearly, I assumed
Was happy in his life
I had no wish to break up a family
I would give up this strife.
A good half hour I sat there
Feeling something of a fool
Making sure to make a weighty wish
Worthy of the sacred pool
At last, up to my waist in the water
I settled on something I needed;
The ability to live without being tortured
By people – an idea was seeded.
I set about making a plan
To render the wishing pool real
I did succeed in a life of peace
For a decade, in a forest, I healed
Eventually back to the world of humans
I forged a path anew
Still thinking of my long lost love
Now single again, I knew
Diagnosed with autism I joined some groups
For people just like me
I met a lady with his daughter’s name
Really … could she be?
Yes, the shape of her face, the shape of her chin
Were his, beyond a doubt
She was the right age, she lived near him
I had to find out.
“I used to know your dad!” I commented
We hit it off from there
One day she offered to put us in touch
I could only giggle and stare
The Wishing Cave of the Mirror it seemed
Had read the true wish of my heart
It only took 20 more years
But now, at 50, my life can start
The rest, as they say, is history
I finally got my whim
To quote from a classic book, Jane Eyre
Reader, I married him
Emma Wishart, now Emma Watts, was diagnosed as autistic at the age of 45 when, as she says, “everything suddenly started to make sense, or at least the reasons why nothing made sense started to become clearer”. She now lives in Pembrokeshire, working hard to raise awareness, understanding and acceptance of autism. She marrid her lifelong love in September 2021.
We offer our heartiest congratulations to Mr Howard and Mrs Emma Watts and wish them much joy of each other.
